Whether you’re out at networking events, meeting with clients, or just having a casual conversation at the bus stop, your intuition responds to the body language of those around you. As an advocate of clear communications for the AEC industry and beyond, I have studied up on body language. While I’m no expert, I do watch for those non-verbal messages, and I remain acutely aware of the signals that I am sending out to others.
Last fall, I attended my first Tweetup. At the onset, I entered a conversation with Warren, a Chicago entrepreneur. It was great to finally meet this guy; I had heard so much about him. While Warren was articulate and I certainly enjoyed our conversation, I noticed that he rarely looked at me in the eye. Instead, his eyes were scanning around the room not only when I was talking, but when he was talking too!
When networking, lack of eye contact frequently signals a ‘twitch factor’ (aka lack of interest; desire to move on), and so I tend to wrap up the conversation quickly. Who wants to feel like their conversational partner would rather be elsewhere? Certainly not me.Yet, there are times when this lack of eye contact is inherent in the person’s communication style. They may, in fact, be quite interested in pursuing the conversation further, but yet they do not demonstrate their interest through body language.
This happens to a lot of people in our industry. Engineers and architects have a reputation for being less communicative, and less adept at networking and relationship-building. This is a generalization, of course, and I firmly believe that everyone in our industry has the ability to grow their skills in this area. {See Finding your inner marketer and other articles in the Personal Leadership and Growth section.}
I write this post today to remind all of you that people are reading your signals. People notice when you face them with your whole body versus standing askew. When you position your jaw a certain way. When you hold your posture confident and tall versus shy and slumped. When make your gestures. All of these body language elements are sensed—perhaps subconsciously—by everyone you encounter.
How can you—as an intelligent, talented, valuable professional—ensure that you are giving off signals that match your real intentions? Well, there are books on this subject, but a perfect start is to maintain a good sense of eye contact while conversing. There is nothing wrong with glancing around the room occasionally. But if you want to leave a good impression, then show interest and respect by maintaining eye contact. And if you are looking to exit the conversation, then use another technique (“I don’t want to monopolize your time”; “We better continue to circulate since that’s what we’re here for”; etc.) to move on.