I went to an art salon last weekend. Presented in a family-style dining environment, my table included our group of four, plus one more couple that we did not yet know. To make them feel welcome, I tried engaging them with some questions. At first they were responsive, no problem. Then I learned that the woman was an editor of NewCity, a weekly publication here in Chicago.
Take note, I have no burning desire to write for NewCity. {Don’t get me wrong, I’d be delighted to be published in any reputable periodical including NewCity, but I already have enough to manage with my AEC industry published articles.} Still, to make conversation, I asked the woman what content she sought within her section, and what policies they instilled when working with contributing writers. As I asked the question, I saw her literally clench her jaw—that’s right, clench—at my question. Then, she and her husband gave one another ‘the look’ before she responded with a snide: “It’s best to just read it to get a feel for what it’s about”.
Her response took me aback, and her husband’s agreement with her remark put me off even more. I decided to disengage for the moment at least, and turn towards my friends for more open conversation. After a short while, I took it as a personal challenge to get these people to warm up more in terms of sharing about their work and responding to a curious person’s (in this case, me!) queries. I thought to myself: ‘Well, maybe the problem was that I was asking questions, and not sharing enough about myself.’ As an AEC business development expert, I know that to most people, asking probing questions, listening with sincerity, and then building upon the answers is highly appealing. However, there’s a fine line between being a great question-asker, versus completely forgetting to divulge important information about oneself. If you share nothing, then you appear to be either 1. hiding something; 2. playing the 20 questions game; or 3. being nosy rather than a true conversationalist with give-and-take dialogue.
So in the spirit of sharing, I first established some connectivity with the husband by sharing our respective experiences as adjunct professors at Chicago-area universities. That went well. But then, I returned to the subject of writing articles for publication, this time sharing a bit of my own history with being published in the AEC industry. Again, the woman started to stiffen up. Once more, she gave her husband ‘the look’ as if I wanted something from her, or as if she had had enough of me.
I simply do not care if this woman had bad experiences with aspiring writers; was sick of explaining her role over and over; or was simply having a bad day . There was no excuse whatsoever for her to cop that condescending, negative attitude which make me feel bad for the way the conversation was going. The only good thing that came out of my interaction with those two was the content that I can now share with all of my Scarlett Letter blog readers.
If you are one of those that tends to get tired of the same questions, or gets irritated by certain subjects/conversations, then do not cop a negative attitude. Instead, be elegant about it. If you truly do not feel like engaging in the topic, then gently switch it to something more compelling. Or, as I’m guessing might have been the case in my example, if you do not like repeating yourself over and over regarding a particular line of questioning, then give your responses (ie. better just to read it online and get familiar with our content and policies) with a gentle, kind smile. It will go a long way to leaving a better impression. At this stage, the couple (she brought him down with her!) left a bad taste in my mouth, and I’ll be hard pressed to add them to my network. This is a loss for all of three us—because based upon our existing networks, occupations and interests, I definitely could envision opportunities where it would have made good sense for them to know me better and vice versa. But, hey. Life is way too short to deal with people like them.