Today we were blessed with a gorgeous pre-spring day in Chicago! Earlier, I was driving with my windows down and the radio off. I just wanted to be with my own thoughts, and perhaps listen to a few birds chirping at the stop signs. Unfortunately, that pre-spring bliss was interrupted when another car—also with windows down—pulled up alongside my cheerful green Beetle.
Two angry voices streamed from their car. I couldn’t help but listen (we were at a stoplight, after all), and I identified the two themes of the conversation: “it’s none of your business” and “mother f–kin'” this and that. For a nano-second, I thought maybe it was just some sort of strange, but affectionate, code method for these sisters to relate to one another. But as I listened further (it was a long light), I realized they weren’t messing around. This was a serious disagreement.
The light turned green and we both moved along until the next light. Darn it. Stopped again alongside them. The driver was really on a tirade by this point. Seemed like she might have been the eldest. A third light, and yes, they were still right alongside me. This is not untypical in Chicago traffic. Sure, I could have turned on my radio or rolled up my window, but something kept me observing this absurd dialogue to see what would come of it.
By light four, I finally had pulled ahead but even then I could not help but peek in my rear-view mirror to see how the conflict was faring.
Now in this scenario, I can remain distant enough to not become emotionally distraught (well not too much). However, when I see conflict in the workplace, I do not react very well. Don’t get me wrong. I am all for bringing up even the worst of subjects, and facing (ok, my mom would have said ‘confronting’) issues head-on. The content is not where I have the bad reaction. It’s in the delivery. The raised voices. The name calling. The phone hangups. The nasty emails. The tattle-taling. Etc. Luckily, I haven’t had to experience this in a long long time, but I did once work in an environment (briefly) where this behavior was prevalent, and practically accepted (no kidding)!
I’m no expert on what to do in negative situations at work. There must be tens of thousands of articles written on conflict in the workplace–whether in the design and construction environment or elsewhere. I do not know which one is the ‘best’, but this article seemed to make reasonable sense: Workplace Conflict Resolution: People Management Tips .
And in fact, on the page that talks about Actions to Avoid in Conflict Resolution, I learned something new. Bullet #2 says: Do not meet separately with people in conflict. When I’ve stepped into leadership or management roles, I never realized that meeting separately first would be a ‘bad’ or ‘counterproductive’ step. From now on I will heed that advice.
I’d be glad to learn about how you’ve managed conflict within your own architecture, engineering, or construction firms—internally or even externally with consultants, vendors, or (yikes) even clients. If you’d prefer, feel free to send me a private message with your story.